1. Advent

See jõulu tunne küll pole veel reaalselt minuni jõudnud, kuid sellegi poolest loodan ma, et ta kuhugi kaduma ei jää ja tuleb ruttu : )  
                                       Mõnusat advendiaega teile kõigile!

Ma tean, et rääkimine pole õige; parem on lihtsalt eeskuju, parem on lihtsalt alustada...
Mina olen juba alustanud.... ja.... ja kuidas saab siis veel üldse õnnetu olla?
Mida tähendab see mu valu või mure, kui mul on jõudu olla õnnelik?




question to self: Olen ma masendunud või?

Ühel hommikul istub suure tagumikuga elevant kooli radiaatorid puruks.


*kohe tuleb Janar ja ütleb tere*

Ma ei saa enam leppida sellega, mida suurem osa inimesi ütleb või arvab. Ma pean ise nende asjade üle järele mõtlema ja katsuma nende kohta selgusele jõuda. Ma pean katsuma selgusele jõuda, kellel on õigus, kas minul või neil. Kuid kui juhtubki,et neil, või kellelgi teisel peaks olema õigus, siis on palju asju millega siin maailmas lihtsalt tuleb leppida ja ma saan ka sellega hakkama.

Aga kas sa ei tahaks nii hea olla ja järele mõelda, mida teeks sinu lahkus, südamlikkus, headus, kui poleks kurja ja kuidas näeks välja maa, kui tema pealt kaoksid varjud?

Sa võiksid seda teha ja jõuda järledusele, et ka sina oled oluline. Ka sina saad muuta asju ja teha head.

Where did I go wrong? Everytime something bad happens, that question comes to haunt me.
 
What did I do, that was so wrong? Everybody make mistakes.

Everything has a consequence. Whether it was good or bad, they result in something.
Most mistakes you make, you never make again.
 
Some mistakes you make can be fixed.Something that permanently marks you. A mistake that makes sure you never go through that again. They can be erased, gone forever. The only thing left is a memory of when you made it. Then there is a mistake that you often make with people.You scream these hateful words to them. That plays a big part in the mistake,
but the result is the biggest. You penetrate through their heart.
Forever leaving a hole where you penetrated through them.
Where did you go wrong?

Everything has a consequence. Whether it was good or bad, they result in something. Most mistakes you make, you never make again.
Something that permanently marks you.
A mistake that makes sure you never go through that again.

Where did I go wrong?

The feeling i'm feeling. I wish i could feel better.
But tomorrow is a new day.

Quick
And
Clean




No
Gross
Mess




Brains
Blood
Gore



Such
A
Hassle




Much
Better
If



I
Just
Swallow




Slip
Away
Quietly



Gently
Into
Sleep




Smoothing
And
Neverending





Perfect
Solution
Planned





To
My
Problems




No
Way
Out





No
Way
Back





The
Only
Way





Right
Or
Wrong





It
Must
End




This
Misery
Overwelming





Killing
Me
Slowly





So
I
Must




I
Simply
Must






End
Everything
Tonight




With
One
Bottle




Full
And
Craving





My
Sweet
Suicide





Please
Don't
Try





To
Stop
Me





Cos
You
Can't





I'll
Just
Try





Again
Again
Again





Till
It
Works





Won't
Give
Up





Cos
It's
Real





Sad
But
True





I
Deserve
It




Don't
You
Agree?

Fallin' from the sky.. somethin' that can fly, somethin'  you cannot hear.

Landin' softly on the ground. Soon it will be gone again.

So enjoy snow on you lawn.

Your words were deceivin', filled with hidden meanin'..

It was just a game. Truth or dare? You chose to play, i didn't know what to say.

I took a dare and a change on you, but u didn't play fair.

 Chose something i couldn't do.

My turn to choose.

Risk is my choice and that's what i'll do. I'll take a risk. I'll risk everything on you.
A game of a change.. WE FINALLY PLAYED!!!!
A durin' our last choose came the confession you made..
All meant nothin', all part of your game. I thought they meant somethin'..
Hopes to blame.


I don't know the rules to your came. There are tooooo many pieces.
I don't want to be a player in you game anymore..

Maybe someday, when i'm ready to follow your rules and find out all missin' pieces.

If you loose your faith, you can have mine. I'll give it to you and if you're lost, i'm right behind..




.. 'cause we walk the same line.

Today is my real birthday. I just want to share my wish with you: that you realize, how important YOU are, that you realize you're doin' meanin'ful things, and what that means to me. Lookin' back on, when I was a little happy girl. Then my only worry was for Christmas, what would be my toy. Smokin' cigarettes and writin' something nasty on the wall. Teacher sends you to the principal's office. I wanted to saw, to be, the one that plays the game without no fears and regrets. I grew up and learned that kinda thing ain't right..
I wish those days could come back once more. Why did those days ever have to go? Everything were so easy and uncomplicated.

But actually i don't need to complain, i'm a big girl now and big girls don't cry..




HAPPY B-DAY TO ME!!!




xoxo Birgit